Four Month Update

Four months. Back in February, June seemed like lightyears away, and now it has arrived. Our sweet Baby Tuna turned four months old yesterday, and I just can't believe it! (Technically, she was sixteen weeks old last week, but yesterday was her birthday, so I'm not really sure how all of that works, but, whatever.)

Weight: one ounce shy of 14 pounds
Height: 23 1/4 inches...still considered "short" for her age. I have a sneaking suspicion she will eventually catch up. (wink, wink)
Sizes: Our little squirt is still wearing size 0-3 months in most items, though some of her footie pjs have been retired. Most of her pants and shorts are 3-6 month size to cover those long legs and to get the most wear for our buck, but they are a bit big in the waist. She is such a skinny-mini!

Loves: Drooling, stretching, Sesame Street, "chewing" on pretty much everything (including fist-fulls of mommy's hair - bizarre), zerberts (like a raspberry) on her belly and the bottoms of her feet, and she's still in love with Woobie, and his counterpart, Woofie.

Baby Tuna and Woofie watching Sesame Street. Totally entranced!

Bath time is still a big favorite for our little miss. She gets a super focused look on her face and we know she is about to start the kicking and splashing. She wants to start sitting up on her own so badly, she does what we call her "crunches" in the whale tub as she tries to sit herself up. It's actually quite helpful during shampooing.

Our little chatterbox has gone through a bit of an evolution in her vocal stylings. She still coos and babbles, but there is now a full range of squeals and screeches, some of which are quite piercing. The more ear-busting, the more pleased she seems.

Strawberry sunglasses...obvi.
(Found in the dollar bins at Target, in case you're lookin' for some too.)

Hates: Being in the car when it's hot, but who doesn't? She's also not a huge fan of getting dressed. It's actually the part when the onesie or t-shirt is put on. I have a feeling it's related to her dislike of being restrained. That moment when her arm is kind of trapped before it gets pulled through the sleeve...that's where she loses it. 9 times out of 10.

Diet: I am so happy to say that our little lady is 100% formula fed. After all that we went through with breastfeeding (read more about it here), it's such a relief for me to know that I can eat whatever I need to eat and I don't have to worry about how it'll effect the babe. (Call me selfish, but my diet has improved so much. Haven't had a pb & j in weeks!). Through the transition, we had her on Similac Sensitive, but once she was on full formula, we noticed that her gas issues were still kind of bad. Now she's on Enfamil Gentlease and things are better.  She's still tooty, especially at night, but is generally much happier. We have considered trying the Gerber sensitive, the Hubs even picked up a can, just to see if it will make any difference. We like that it doesn't have corn syrup in it, and if it will help me get a full night's sleep, I'm all for it.

As for how much she eats, well, that's where things get complicated. She should be eating more formula less often, but apparently Z didn't get the memo on that. She prefers to do what I call "grazing." Sometimes she'll eat 5 ounces, sometimes only 2. And this is every two hours. We've wasted a ton of formula (and $$) on this kid's crazy eating habits. The doctor said we needed to just push her meals farther apart, even if she wasn't happy about it. So far it's kind of working, though she can get pretty grouchy if she wants a snack. I just try to keep her busy until meal time. I'm hoping it will work itself out soon.

I was surprised that the doctor didn't mention introducing rice cereal or oatmeal, and we both forgot to ask. It seems that most kids start all that at 4 months, before beginning purees. I'm not even sure when she should start with purees. I guess I need to start researching. :O)

Sleep: We seem to be hitting more of a regular pattern now that she's on formula. A nice morning nap, about an hour long (gives me time to squeeze in a workout and shower), then a couple of 30-45 minute catnaps, an afternoon nap that lasts about an hour or two, and another catnap in the late afternoon. Usually. Sometimes she sleeps more, sometimes she's what another baby blogger calls the "No Nap Ninja." (I love that phrase and we've decided to adopt it as our own since it is soo fitting.)

Z goes down for the night around 8pm every night and will sleep very peacefully until about 4am. A nice 8 hour stretch. (There was a week or two when she was sleeping eleven hours straight. We hope those days come back soon!) I feed her as quietly as possible so she doesn't wake up all the way. After that, she's back to sleep, but super restless until 7:30am. It's the gas that's got her twisting and jumping all over the place in her pack n play. Drives me bananas cuz, with all her moaning and grunting, I keep thinking she's awake, which keeps me awake. The doctor said that we should just move her to her crib, but with the monitor, I'm still gonna hear her and wonder if she's waking up.

She won't sleep in her crib anyways. I've been trying to put her in there for one or two naps a day, but she either wakes up the minute I put her down, or just a few minutes later. I usually give up and just put her in the swing. We're hoping that after her surgery, we can start fresh.

Milestones: 
Rolling Over: Two months ago, Baby Tuna started rolling from her belly to her back. Ahead of the curve with this, yes, but she did it at almost every tummy time, without assistance. She hasn't done it in weeks. Totally forgot all about it. Is that normal? Who knows. Now she is rolling from back to belly. She spends most of her time in a funny in-between position, but she can roll all the way when she wants to. She's actually started sleeping in that position (on her side with her back arched) which kind of freaks us out. You know, SIDS and all.

That's not a strange stain on the bootie of her romper. It's the flower print on her diaper peeking through. 

Reaching and Grabbing: This kid will grab at anything...blankets, clothing (her own and those worn by others), toys, even the curtains behind her changing pad. And 99% of what she grabs is pulled directly to her mouth. (Incidentally, our pediatrician has announced that the teething process has begun. No chompers yet, but with all the drooling and gnawing...you see where I'm going with this.) The only thing that doesn't make it into Z's mouth is the dog. She's started reaching out for Scout, who immediately starts licking Z's little hand. Only once has the babe grabbed Scout's lip, which was hilarious. Wish I had a pic of that!

Bottle Holding: Well, almost. She can get her hands into position, she can even hold the bottle and bring it to her mouth, but she hasn't figured out that it must be tipped for her to get any milk out of it. She does enjoy yanking the bottle out of her mouth in the middle of a feeding, which is super fun for whoever is feeding her, or grabbing at the bottom of the bottle and tipping it up or pulling it down. Again, super fun.

Sitting Up: Again, sort of. She can do what I call a "gorilla sit." She sits up properly (when we place her on her butt, she can't get there by herself yet) for about ten seconds, then leans forward onto her fists...like a gorilla.

My baby gorilla.

Swimming: Not really. We have a beautiful pool in our backyard, but with the babe in our lives now, we don't get many chances to use it. So we decided to suit up the bambino and put her in the whale tub so she could splash till her heart's content without worrying about soaking down the kitchen. It took her some time to figure out what was going on...why was she wearing a bathing suit in the bath tub? Why were we outside? Once she figured things out, she had some fun, but we had to cut it all short thanks to the mosquitos. We will definitely be doing it again!

Terry bucket hat - Gap
Swimsuit - Old Navy

Toe Grabbing: Someone discovered her feet the other day!

Father's Day:

We had such a nice, low-key Father's Day. The Hubs got to sleep in, since he rarely ever gets that anymore, then he made some yummy chocolate chip waffles. We spent the day hanging out as a family, ran a few errands, and I made Father's Day s'mores cupcakes (recipe). They were delish!

As his first Father's Day gift, Z and I made a little plaster handprint, which was an adventure in itself. The next step is to put it in a shadowbox frame for display. The Hubs was so timid (and a little afraid of breaking Baby Tuna) in the beginning, but now he has become the most amazing daddy!

Now, last year on Father's Day, I thought it would be cool for the Hubs to find out he was going to be a daddy, so I took the first in a series of inconclusive pregnancy tests. We couldn't tell if it was positive or negative, but, as it turns out, we were indeed expecting. And a year later...

Medical Update: Baby Tuna's surgery (if you're new to the blog, you can read more here) is scheduled for next Tuesday (the 25th). We've been told that it will last about 4 hours, the longest 4 hours of our lives, I'm sure. She will be sedated and kept flat (due to the location of the incision - just above her tush) for two or three days, and kept for observation another two or three days. I'll be spending most of my time at the hospital (I don't want her to wake up without the Hubs or me there) and will have my laptop, so I plan to blog out some updates. I know a lot of you have been following Z's progress, and we have really appreciated all of the support.

I know some of you have been through very similar experiences with your babes. Any advice or suggestions as to how to get through it, words of wisdom, what to bring, or how to pass the time, would be much appreciated. Leave a comment, email, or send one of us a private message. I'm someone who likes to know exactly what to expect, so I'd love to hear from you.

As I've said before, please say a prayer, light a candle, rub a crystal, wish upon a star...whatever your beliefs, just keep sending positive energy Z's way.

Fourth of July Style for the Babes

I'm a big fan of holidays. Who isn't? For most of them, you get to spend time with family and friends, there's usually special food involved, and there is often a holiday-specific way of dressing for each. The Fourth is no exception. Our holiday is usually pretty low-key because the Hubs almost always has to work (oh the joys of retail!), but that doesn't stop me from throwing some good stuff on the grill (faux-burgers for this vegetarian), enjoying some fireworks (a must), and some red, white, and blue. This year is already great because I get to dress the babe! There are sooo many adorable things out there for the little ones! I'm actually having a hard time deciding what to get her, and I'm kinda wishing there was a little fella around, too, just so I can put him in that sweet fedora!

For the Little Ladies:

#1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7

For the Little Gents:

#1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7

It might be more than obvious from the image above that I'm a little obsessed with rompers. I just think they are the cutest, and are especially perfect for summer. I wish I was in better shape (starting the 6 Week 6 Pack tomorrow!) so that I could rock a romper, too! Mostly, I just love Baby Tuna's chubby little baby thigh rolls, and rompers show them off so well. I'm really leaning towards the denim romper with tiny stars as her Fourth of July outfit. Too cute! Rest assured, she will be suited-up for the Fourth this year!

You'll also notice that most of the items above are from the Gap and Old Navy. They are my favorite spots to shop online for the babe, and for me too. If you visit the sites often, you'll quickly learn that they offer amazing sales from week to week. Sometimes as high as 40% off! So fill your shopping cart with the things you love, then wait for a super deal. 

Our Journey Through the Torments of Feeding

Let me preface this whole business with a little disclaimer (mostly because I really don't want/need any shit from anyone). Breastfeeding is a tremendously personal decision. It's really between you and your babe (and maybe your husband, if you have that kind of relationship) and everyone else should just butt the eff out! Obviously, breast is best. Custom made is always gonna be the better option...except when it isn't. I'm not here to preach one philosophy over another, I'm just here to share my experience. If you are a new mom reading this, please choose what will be right for you and best for your babe, and don't buy into all the guilt trips out there. This is the story of our journey.  

Lately I've been given a lot of praise for keeping up with the breastfeeding for as long as I did, which was about 3 months and change. Trust me, though, I'm no hero. It was in the plan to nurse for only 4-6 weeks, reaping the weight loss benefits for me (yes, I am that vain!) and the health benefits for her. And then we would move Z to formula and I could get on with my life. But then we found out about her tethered cord and the fact that our tiny babe would need surgery (You can read more about that here and here). Something in me changed and I became obsessed with making this whole breastfeeding business work until after she recovered sometime in July. I. must. be. insane. 

I know there are so many amazing mommies out there who happily nurse their little ladies and gents well past the one year mark. And while I'm not sure how their boobies can handle that, I commend them. I am not one of them. Most of us aren't, something I've learned in the last few weeks as so many of you have reached out to me and shared. As a new mom, you are given the impression that everyone is nursing to at least six or eight months. Bullshit. Most of us are lucky to last to six or eight weeks, with the average, I've learned, being about a month. And yet we all are made to feel like a total failure for wanting to give it up.

I was ready to quit sometime around day three. Because Z was transferred to a NICU in a different hospital so shortly after her birth, we missed so much of that wonderful skin-to-skin bonding time that helps a mother's milk come in. I was able to successfully nurse Z two or three times on her birthday, giving her that nutritious colostrum. But then they took her and my mammary struggles began. We lost our mojo. She had latched so easily in the hospital but was now over it since the bottles given by the NICU nurses were so much easier to manipulate.

After bringing Z home, I tried and tried to nurse her. I'd end up ugly crying out of frustration and overwhelmed by feelings of failure. She wouldn't latch and my milk wouldn't come in. I did skin-to-skin, nursed in our calm and quiet bedroom or her nursery, drank gallons of water, listened to soothing music, watched TV…whatever I could do, I did. I turned to Dr. Google (huge mistake) only to find that the majority of resources out there flat out said that it was my fault that things just weren't working. Cuz what a hormonal, sleep-deprived mother of a newborn really needs is a punch in the gut (or boob) like that.

We finally met with the lactation consultant at the hospital. She showed me how to get the right latch and there may have been a nipple shield involved. That did the trick. She also let me know that I was doing everything right and that these things sometimes take time. So we kept trying, but it was still painful, even with the right latch. The Hubs kept trying to talk me into giving up. It was overwhelming for him to see me so upset all of the time. But giving up is something I just don't do. I became crazed determined to nurse my child. A year ago, I would have laughed in your face if you'd told me this was who I would become. 

After a few weeks or so, things started to take a turn, actually a complete 180. My milk came in…by the gallon. Z would choke and splutter, and had the worst digestive issues and gas. She was constantly screaming fussing and crying because she was so uncomfortable, and I was constantly crying because it was my fault. I found out that I had an overactive letdown, too much milk too fast. So I tried all the tricks to make it better, but nothing helped. With complete support and encouragement from the Hubs, and after weeks of struggling, I finally caved and made the decision to pump exclusively. It was a surprisingly easy decision. I had never really felt that zen mother-baby bonding connection that so many talk about while nursing. Probably because I was in constant pain and was just counting the minutes until she was done. Her evening cluster-feeds were the absolute worst. The whole point of this mess was to pass on whatever I could to Z to give her the best chance at a quick and healthy recovery from surgery. 

OK. So here's what no one tells you…using a breast pump is like hooking up a Dyson to your nipples. Sure, it's fine if you do it once or twice a day. But I had to do it every time she ate. I quickly began to hate it. I could hear the Medela pump saying "You gotta pump. You gotta pump." over and over again, mocking me -- the little bitch. And while I secretly enjoyed watching House Hunters at 3am, pumping began to take over my life. I had to feed Z and immediately find a way to get her to sleep (or stay happy in the swing) so I could pump, and then I had to wash all the pump parts, only to do it all over again a couple of hours later. It never worked and I felt like I was missing out on so much time with my babe. The Hubs and I came up with a great overnight routine, but during the day I was on my own. Our nights looked like this:

Z wakes up.

I whisk her to her room for a diaper change while the Hubs preps the bottle.

I turn on quiet music and put on her bib while the Hubs waits for the bottle to warm.

The Hubs feeds her in our room while I pump in the living room and watch House Hunters (or reruns of Arrested Development). 

The Hubs put Z back to bed while I wash the bottle and a zillion pump parts.

We all go back to bed.

Rinse and repeat two hours later.

It moved like clockwork. The Hubs got some quiet bonding time with the babe, and I was catching up on my HGTV. Most nights, we were up and done in thirty minutes or less.

I ended up pumping less often, but because I was producing so much, we always had plenty of milk for bottles and for the freezer. But Z's gas, fussing, and digestive pains didn't stop, even with gripe water and gas drops. So, I began the dreaded elimination diet. I started with dairy. My beloved friend. This was almost painful to give up and would take two or three weeks before we could even tell if it made a difference, which it did, but only slightly. Next to go were broccoli, bell peppers, onions, lettuce, spicy foods. I cut back on OJ, tomatoes, and most beans and vegetables (super tricky as a vegetarian), but drew the line at strawberries. The Hubs and I struggled to come up with ideas for dinner and I started eating PB & J like it was my job. I was running out of healthy things to eat! 

When I had pumped and frozen enough milk to begin the weaning process, I blissfully quit pumping. By this point, I was ready to throw the damned thing in the pool! My last vacuum suck was the morning of my birthday a few weeks ago. About a week before, I had started increasing the time between pumpings until I was down to twice a day. At that point, I was still pumping about 16 oz of milk, which is a lot, and I knew that could go on forever if I didn't put an end to it.  The Hubs picked up a head of cabbage and I happily started stuffing my sports bra. Cold cabbage may be the greatest thing on Earth, even if it was the only thing I could smell all day long. Within a week, my poisonous milk (as we jokingly called it) had dried out. Hallelujah! 

When I was finally done with pumping, I made a bee line for the FroYo!

We slowly started adding formula to Z's bottles, one half ounce at a time for a few days each. Because she has such a sensitive system, we thought easing her into it would be best. As of a few nights ago, she is done with mommy's poison. I'm hoping we'll get lucky and won't have to try a bunch of different formulas. This one, special for gas and fussiness due to lactose sensitivities, seems to be working, though it's really too soon to tell. I will say that the first night that she had just a half ounce mixed into her bottle, she slept for 8 hours straight. Now she averages between 9 and 11 hours a night, though not every night. I can also say that on the first full day of formula only, she and I survived a trip to the mall (complete with time in the dressing room) and Wal-Mart (which is a nightmare on a good day even without Z in tow) with complete success. She didn't sleep a wink the entire trip and was all smiles to anyone who would glance in her direction. It could just be that she is maturing, but I really wish that I had given up on breastfeeding so much sooner.

If I'm being totally honest, I still feel a little guilt for failing at the whole breast feeding business. I shouldn't. I'm sure most women have struggles with some part of the process. My biggest issue, though, is that almost every resource out there pushes nursing like it's the one and only option. Even our pediatrician's office gave us the "We strongly recommend the mothers of our patients breastfeed for as long as possible" B.S. when I called to ask about switching to formula. Yes, women have been doing it since always, but 200 years ago, if a mother had issues, their sweet babes didn't survive. We are so lucky to be raising children in modern times...there are so many options!  And, as mommies, we should support each other, no matter which path we choose...without preaching or judgement!

I love this sweet lady more than I ever thought I could. And when it really comes down to it, that's the most important thing.